Journal January Entry 1: This Version of You

Journal January — Day 1

Prompt: What version of yourself are you leaving behind this year, and why are you ready to let them go?

The version of myself I am leaving behind this year is the one who let fear and anxiety masquerade as intuition.

She thought she was being careful. Thought she was being considerate. Thought she was reading the room and acting accordingly. But more often than not, she was simply afraid — afraid of being misunderstood, afraid of disappointing people, afraid of choosing herself too loudly and watching the room shift because of it.

She learned early in life that being agreeable felt safer than being honest. That softening her opinions made them easier to accept. That asking for less reduced the chances of being told no. And so she adapted. She explained herself preemptively. She over-clarified. She minimized. She filled silence before anyone else could.

She called it emotional intelligence.

In reality, it was anxiety in a very polished outfit.

This version of me believed that if she communicated well enough, no one would leave, no one would be upset, and no one would misinterpret her intentions. She believed clarity could prevent discomfort. That understanding could be engineered. That if she was careful enough, kind enough, strategic enough, she could control the outcome.

But clarity does not guarantee safety. And understanding cannot be forced.

What I am learning now — what I am finally trusting — is that the right people do not require constant translation. They do not punish honesty. They do not confuse boundaries with rejection or confidence with threat.

So I am leaving behind the version of myself who tried to manage other people’s emotions at the expense of her own peace.

I am leaving behind the woman who mistook people-pleasing for kindness, who stayed quiet to keep things smooth, who absorbed tension rather than risk being seen as difficult. She was generous with grace and hesitant with her own needs. She believed that being good meant being easy to be around.

This year, I am no longer interested in being easy.

I feel as though I an entering a sort-of villain era — not in the sense of becoming cold or unkind, but in the sense of becoming unavailable for self-abandonment. Unavailable for over-explaining. Unavailable for shrinking my goals so they fit more comfortably into someone else’s expectations.

This new chapter of life is rooted in trust. Trust that I can say what I mean and let the response reveal what it reveals. Trust that discomfort is not a failure of communication. Trust that my boldest goals do not need to be justified, softened, or disguised.

It is choosing growth over approval. Peace over performance. Direction over consensus.

I am focusing my energy inward now — on the life I am building, the woman I am becoming, and the standards I am finally willing to enforce. I am investing in clarity where it matters and letting go of the need to be understood by everyone.

Because here is the quiet truth: being misunderstood by the wrong people is a small price to pay for being aligned with yourself.

The version of me I am leaving behind wanted reassurance.

The version of me I am becoming chooses certainty.

And that is why I am ready to let her go.