Journal January Entry 28: More

Journal January — Day 28

Prompt: What truth about yourself have you been avoiding?

For a long time, I avoided admitting how much I want.

Not in a shallow way. Not in a performative way. In a sincere, rooted, sometimes frightening way.

I want a life that is expansive. I want to build meaningful work. I want influence that’s earned. I want stability and freedom and creative ownership. I want to feel proud of what I’ve made — not just privately, but publicly. I want my voice to matter.

And for years, I pretended I didn’t.

I softened it. Downplayed it. Framed it as “just curiosity” or “just exploring.” I told myself it was more mature to be detached from outcomes, more likable to seem indifferent to success.

But that was never honesty.

That was self-protection.

Wanting deeply means risking disappointment. It means opening yourself up to failure, comparison, and criticism. It means admitting that certain dreams are not optional to you — that they are woven into who you are.

So I pretended I was flexible about things I wasn’t flexible about.

I acted as if ambition was negotiable.

It isn’t.

The truth is, I care. Intensely. Thoughtfully. Strategically. I care about excellence. About impact. About building something that lasts. About using my abilities fully instead of conveniently.

Avoiding that truth didn’t make me humbler.

It made me smaller.

Owning it doesn’t make me arrogant.

It makes me honest.

This chapter of my life isn’t about pretending I don’t want much.

It’s about admitting that I do, and trusting myself enough to go after it with integrity.